And the verdict is........

Drum roll please..............



We are pregnant!!! I had blood work done today and my HCG levels look good at 139. I need to have the checked again on Wednesday to make sure they are doubling. Say many prayers that this little one(s) stays where it belongs! I have an ultrasound schedule for Jan 13th to find out how things look and how many!

Also, if you are privy enough to be reading this and following along, please keep this pregnancy to yourself for now. It's not that we don't want to shout it from the roof-tops, we are just being cautious! Thanks for understanding!!! Love to all!

Transfer

On Thursday we did the embryo transfer. We transferred 2 embryos. Bed rest was SO boring but so worth it if it helps. Pray that our little ones find warm and snuggly spots to grow big and strong and we get the best Christmas present ever!

From One Step at a Time

Retrieval

Yesterday was my egg retrieval. Even though I was sedated, I still felt a lot of it and am still slightly uncomfortable today. All in all, 32 eggs were retrieved!! 12 eggs were inseminated with ICSI. As of this morning, 11 have successfully fertilized. We will know the quality of these tomorrow. We are scheduled for the embryo transfer tomorrow morning with much dreaded bed rest!

Next Step

Tonight I start my egg stimulation medication. I had an ultrasound this morning and my ovaries and uterine lining are sufficiently shriveled to next-to-nothing. Now I get to blow the ovaries up like balloons with all our eggs. Pray for a plentiful crop!

Our Trip to "Australia"

Here is a great inspirational story I read from a friend that explains things really well. I can't wait to get there!

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You’ve heard it’s a wonderful place. You’ve read many guidebooks and feel certain you’re ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you’ll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait-and wait- and wait.

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, “Relax. You’ll get on a flight soon.” Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, “It’s not fair”.

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, “I’m sorry, we’re not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat.”

“By Boat!” you say, “Going by boat will take a very long time and costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane.” So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite that you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, “Oh be glad you didn’t fly. My flight was horrible, traveling by sea is so easy.”

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

My Own Pharmacy

I think I should add "DPh" to the credentials after my name! I got all my medications delivered the other day and, man....... I feel like some of my patients with a ton of medication bottles! Some have to be refrigerated, some not. Some are pills, and some are shots. It is enough to make any one's head spin. Nate joked that I needed a pill case to keep me straight! Too bad you can fit vials and syringes in one of those. I guess I need to come up with another method!

I start my suppression meds tonight. I have done shots before, so they should be no big deal. These are shallow shots in the fat (Lord knows I have plenty of that!), which are easy. I am worried about giving myself IM (intra-muscular) shots. Maybe I need to teach Nate and have him practice on a chicken or something!

ART Consult

Last week we had our official ART (assisted reproductive technology) consult with the NP in the office. She went over all the paperwork and procedures involved. I am going to start on ovary suppression medication this month, and hopefully be able to start the stimulation medication next month. Timing is tricky because of the holidays, so hopefully we can do our procedure before Christmas. Otherwise, we will have to wait until after the 1st of the year. The sooner the better if you ask me!

A Mother's Love

While explaining our woes to my mom, she out of the blue offered to co-sign a loan for us if that would help. Well, sure enough it did! We got the loan, and again (for like the millionth time), we are ever so grateful to my mom for helping us once again! We only hope we can re-pay her some day and be ever that generous to our own children! Love you, Mom!

On hold......

"Hello, this is Life, can you hold please??"

So, our process is on hold again. Unfortunately, IVF is expensive and our insurance doesn't cover a lick of it. I think we need to move to a state that mandates coverage!!! Anyway, our physician requires that all of the costs need to be paid up front prior to starting treatment. Since we don't have that kind of money in our pockets (darn!), we applied for a loan and unfortunately got denied. "While your income is impressive, it is too much of a liability if you get pregnant and have to have time off with a reduced income." What a bunch of BS! And there is no way they would lend us 3 times that amount to adopt! So where does that lead us? Saving, hoping, praying and doing things the old fashion way. We'll keep you posted.

Change of Plans

Here's the scoop. We had filled out the application, paid the application $$$, filled out MORE papers and had the initial interview. Well, we began hitting some bumps in the road, even some pot holes. Here's a break down:

-When calling work to find out benefits for me for adoption, I found that I get no paid time off or disability pay after we get the baby. Since I am the primary earner, that would be an impossibility for all the expenses a baby (and life) entails. So, we would have to borrow more money for that and that is just becoming unaffordable at this time.

-If the baby came before my 1 yr anniversary with my company (June) I would not qualify for FMLA and my leave would not guarantee my job back and would not guarantee medical coverage while I was off. Not cool with a newborn!

-And to be honest, my heart was not in it as much as I thought it was. I felt like we were giving up on the opportunity to have our own children. To be pregnant, to give birth, to nurse, to have a birth story and be able to empathize with my own daughter as she goes through it are all things that I (we) want to experience. I know that may be selfish, but since there are still options for us, we should take them and re-visit adoption if need be. I am almost 30 and I know as I continue to get older, my risks will increase, so I want to try now when our chances are greater.

So, with that in mind, we met with our RE yesterday. He said that he believes the reason we did not have success with the IUI was due to the sperm count, as I was producing good eggs with medication. He said that if I was his daughter, he would recommend IVF and not bother with another IUI. He says there is no reason it would not work for us. After a long meeting and talking with him, and talks between ourselves, and many prayers, we have decided to try IVF. The cost is considerably less and the financial risk of adoption is too great for us right now. I feel very good about this and am excited to get thing underway.

So, the plan is to hopefully try IVF in December, and shoot for a September 2009 baby. I have to have an HSG and we both have to do blood work. We are hoping to schedule next week, as we have to put a deposit down. Please keep us in your prayers and we will continue to keep you updated.

Papers, papers and more papers!

You would think that we were buying a house with all the paperwork we have to fill out and sign. The only difference is that these papers are more like a job interview on paper. "What are your best personality qualities?" "What will make you a good parent?" "Why do you think you should adopt?" What kills me is that they don't give these questionnaires to ALL people before they have children! I think a lot of people would fail! None-the-less, we have most of it filled out and will be turning it in next week. Then we wait for the next step. Hurry up and wait. Maybe I should change the blog title......

First Interview

Our first interview with the Adoption Social Worker (ASW, as I will call her) was on October 7th. Her name is Carol and she is one of the reasons we chose Bethany. She is adopted herself and is a birth-mother who gave up a child 17 years ago. So she is very familiar with the whole process, from all aspects. The interview went well and it was mainly to go over all the steps in the process in detail and give us a boat load of papers to fill out and sign. It is going to be a long process!

The Application

On October 2nd we submitted our application (and large fee!). We got a call back almost immediately! We had an interview set up for October 7th.

The Decision

After multiple failed infertility treatments, we were advised that the next step would be in-vitro fertilization. After thinking long and hard and many long talks, we decided that the physical and emotional pain we have endured over the past 2 years has been enough. We did not want to spend several more thousand dollars on another "maybe". So, at this point we had decided to pursue adoption.

The thought had crossed out mind 1 year ago, and had actually gotten a great deal of information from several agencies. But, then we ended up pregnant, and then a miscarriage. We thought it could happen again, but alas, we are still at the same place we were 2 years ago.

After much research, meetings and talking to social workers, we have decided to use Bethany Christian Services for our adoption needs. They are a nationwide company, based out of Grand Rapids and have a local office here in Kalamazoo. We are looking to adopt a domestic infant. They place an average of 8-10 babies a year and have a pool of less than a dozen waiting couples. So, the odds are in our favor to be chosen soon. Please pray for a swift process.